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Study 20 of 25

Marriage and Family

Marriage heals only when self is dethroned by the cross and agape floods the home

Hands-free narration of this study — good for the car.

Synopsis

Sequeira traces marriage to Eden, where God fashioned Eve from Adam's own body to teach that husband and wife are to become one flesh, reflecting the oneness of the Trinity. The Fall shattered that unity: Adam's agape love turned self-centered, and God's words to Eve and Adam in Genesis 3 describe the natural, not punitive, consequences of sin on marriage and labor. Because marriage and family are battered by the same self-interest that ruins every human relationship, no amount of willpower or church rules can restore them. Paul's counsel in Ephesians 5, that husbands and wives 'submit to one another out of reverence for Christ,' only works when both partners are controlled by the Spirit and walk by grace rather than legalistic duty. Christ's self-giving love for the church, not dictatorial headship, is the model for the husband, and the wife's submission mirrors the church's grateful response to Christ, not fear-based obedience. Only when believers deny self and let the Spirit pour God's agape into their hearts will marriages be healed and family closeness become, as the belief states, an earmark of the final gospel message.

Key points

  • Marriage was God's first gift to humanity, designed at Creation as a picture of the Trinity's oneness and later of Christ's relationship to the church.
  • The Fall replaced Adam's agape love with self-centered love; Genesis 3:16-19 describes natural consequences of sin, not arbitrary divine punishment.
  • Ephesians 5:21 calls both husbands and wives to mutual submission out of reverence for Christ, not merely wives to husbands.
  • Healed marriages and increasing family closeness result only from the cross displacing self, not from resolutions or church programs.

Key texts

  • Genesis 2:21-24
  • Ephesians 5:21-25
  • Luke 9:23

From the book

Chapter 20 · Belief 23 · Read this chapter

  • “Creating the woman from a part of the man's own body was designed to teach the couple, and their posterity, that marriage between a man and a woman is the bonding of two lives into one.” (ch. 20)
  • “Only when God's professed people put self aside and submit to the demands of the cross, will God's Spirit step in and pour His agape -love into their hearts, and many marriages will be healed in remarkable and miraculous ways.” (ch. 20)
  • “The word head must not be interpreted to mean “dictator” or “boss,” but one who is entrusted with the well-being of another.” (ch. 20)

Put it into practice

  • Identify one place where self, not Christ, is running your marriage or family life and name it honestly before God.
  • Practice Ephesians 5:21 mutual submission this week by serving your spouse or family member in a way that costs you something.
  • Replace one instance of duty-driven interaction with a Spirit-led act of agape love toward a family member.
  • Pray daily for the Holy Spirit to pour God's love into your heart so your household reflects Christ and the church.
  1. Comprehension

    1. What did God intend the creation of Eve from Adam's rib to teach the couple and their descendants?

  2. Scripture

    2. According to Genesis 3:16-19, what happened to marriage and family life after the Fall, and how does Sequeira say we should understand these words?

  3. Doctrinal Clarity

    3. How does Paul's statement in Ephesians 5:21 reshape the popular reading of 'wives, submit to your husbands'?

  4. Contrast

    4. Contrast a marriage where partners rely on will-power and duty with one where partners are 'controlled by God's agape-love and walk in the Spirit.'

  5. Doctrinal Clarity

    5. Why does Sequeira say headship must never be understood as 'dictator' or 'boss'?

  6. Comprehension

    6. What does Sequeira identify as the underlying cause of the high divorce rate even among professed Christians?

  7. Doctrinal Clarity

    7. How does the chapter connect family closeness to 'the final gospel message'?

  8. Application

    8. Personal: Where in your own marriage or family relationships is self still ruling rather than Christ's agape love, and what specific step of surrender to the cross could begin to change that this week?