Hands-free narration of this study — good for the car.
Synopsis
Conversation, the chapter argues, in the aggregate probably wields more power than press and platform combined — Socrates taught his great truths in personal converse, not from public rostrums, and world-moving decisions in diplomacy, business, and corporate policy are usually reached through careful informal conversation. Since conversation is often overheard and sometimes decides matters of great moment, the same qualities recommended for public speech — poise, alertness, precision of word, clearness of statement, force of utterance — apply equally to it. The word 'conversation' itself signifies a turn-about exchange of ideas, yet most people treat it as monologue; the chapter insists that respectful, sympathetic, alert listening is due both to one's companion and to oneself, since a reply that ignores what was just said is 'an irritating and humiliating irrelevancy.' Self-expression is a universal pleasure, so the good conversationalist allows others their turn rather than monopolizing talk; a mediocre talker who listens well is often judged the better conversationalist. Four remedies are offered for confused, awkward, or imprecise conversational habits: will to overcome them, know exactly what you mean to say before speaking, cast out fear of your listeners, and master at least the simpler forms of the English language. Practical hints follow: choose subjects of general interest, avoid airing personal troubles, banish the excessive 'I,' speak in terms of the listener's interests, and avoid tired platitudes such as 'small world' remarks.
Key points
- Conversation in the aggregate probably wields more power than press and platform combined; world-moving decisions often arise from careful conversation.
- The qualities of good public speech — poise, alertness, precision, clearness, force — apply equally to conversation.
- Conversation means a 'turn-about exchange of ideas'; respectful, alert listening is due to both the other person and yourself.
- A good conversationalist allows others the pleasure of self-expression rather than monopolizing talk or overusing 'I.'
- Four remedies for poor conversational habits: will to overcome them, know precisely what to say, cast out fear of listeners, and master the language's simpler forms.
Key texts
- Proverbs 18:13
- James 1:19
- Colossians 4:6
- Proverbs 17:27-28
From the book
Chapter XXXI — Making Conversation Effective · Open the reader
- “Conversation is the laboratory and workshop of the student.”
- “They are praised who please: they please who listen well.”
- “Dynamite the "I" out of your conversation.”
Put it into practice
- Listen respectfully, sympathetically, and alertly before replying, rather than merely waiting to speak.
- Shape your conversation around your listener's interests rather than your own, and reduce how often you say 'I.'
- Before speaking, be sure you know exactly what you mean to say; if not, remain quiet until it is clear.
- Comprehension
1. According to the chapter, how does the power of conversation compare with that of press and platform?
- Comprehension
2. What does the word 'conversation' signify in its original meaning, and how do most people fail to live up to it?
- Doctrinal Clarity
3. Why does the chapter say listening is 'due to ourselves' as well as to our companion?
- Comprehension
4. List the four steps the chapter gives for remedying awkward or imprecise conversational habits.
- Contrast
5. Contrast the conversationalist who monopolizes talk with the one the chapter says is often judged the better conversationalist.
- Contrast
6. Contrast shaping conversation around your own interests with the approach the chapter recommends.
- Doctrinal Clarity
7. What does the chapter mean by advising readers to 'dynamite the "I" out of your conversation'?
- Application
8. Which of the four remedies for conversational faults do you most need to practice, and what is one concrete step you could take this week?
- Application
9. Recall a recent conversation where you spoke more than you listened. How might applying 'respectful, sympathetic, alert listening' have changed it?
- Application
10. The chapter lists tired phrases like 'How small this world is after all!' as platitudes to avoid. What habitual phrases do you rely on, and how could you replace them with something fresher and more genuine?